kak ati's wedding!!!!!

these are some pictures and a video that i got the chance to take but like from far ah...and like at the side and all.....and the DJ, he is like super handsome and cute.... oh my god!!!! ah!!!!! but i didnt get a chance to take his photos... ah!!! why is he so cute!!! and to make it worse, he is my far away cousin!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

some videos that i have that i love to share.....

22/5/08

yesterday i slept over at my friend's place since there was a bachelor party to celebrate her last night before her wedding... we really had a lot of fun.... we had strippers, had wine, had RA movies and the best is a very, very sensitive sharing for all of us since we have not been doing it for a very long time. oh man, she is so lucky.... at least she got the chance to marry the man of her life.... but me??? all alone waiting for the prince riding a white horse to come to my rescue from this painful and awful life....

i had a fight with Zul today.... his wife found my diary in my old room.... it stated all mine, azahar's and his secret that i know.... and he had a fight with his wife because of some secrets that he did not tell him... well actualy after i had a fight with zul, his wife called me... well i call her kak long... meaning, elder sister... kak long ask me if all that i wrote in the diary is true.... i told her the thruth about the diary which is all the information is true.... she cried in the phone.... but i well, i kind of consoled her and talk sense to her... i mean eversince he knows that he is getting married to her, he have changed alot....
he doesnt drink, he doesnt gamble, he doesnt come home late at night....
he also doesnt look at other girls out there... i mean he is a total different person....


oh well i hope everything will go well... i mean they are only just married... not enough time for each other to let lose and understand each other since it is a fix marriage....

photos2

pictures i take with my work colleagues who are also my school mates...

these are some pictures that i took at the Changi airport terminals.....

photos

photos i had when i went to johor grand hyatt hotel with somepeople around me

time has been difficult for me.... they just don't understand.... why????



i know it is hard for him to accept the point that mama is not gonna help him anymore... but god damn it man... he is damn fucking 26 years old lah and he has a stable career and a good position in the company... why does he have to put all that away???? cant he think of all the possibility that might crop up when he does that????

and she also another idiot.... how dare she call me bitch!!! how dare she call me prostitute.. i am never going to forgive her till she apologize to me....

help me....

things have really gone bad.... i cant think right.. my mind is like blowing off each time i am with other people. i mean i dont feel good around people... i just dont know why.... but at the same time, i feel worse when i am alone.... i feel like wanting to jump of the building or something... and every time i think about it, i feel like a jerk....

and ilham, he is still having a hard time... i mean he is quite close to her, she is his mom...
i miss her too.... and the worse thing is he blame me for it... for telling his mom the truth.. the cause of her death... is it true?? i meant well by telling her the truth.. i never wanted this to happened to her or me...
i love him.... i love him so much... and the more he blames me, the more ithurts me to the core... like what he is telling is the truth to it... and every time i get things to get right, they backfired.....

i dont know what to do anymore.. is all this because of myself or is it just that it happen as a coincidence.... i really dont know....
and i don't want to know...

in memories of my mama..

i did not want to post her picture because i have to ask permission form her family members.



you were first reluctant to let him go and accepting me
you were first very closed towards me
you had a very hard time to let me embrace your smile....


time goes by and you let me walk
you tried to open your heart for me
you make me do your work for you
that was my happiest moment that i believe you knew

we spend more time for each other
you let me cook for your dinners
you let me bake for your weekends
and you let me entertain your days before it ends....

i was hard for me to let you go...
even now you are in my mind
memories of you will always linger
in my heart my mind and my time

life will be incomplete for me now...
i will miss your dearly
i will miss to cook for you
bake for you
sing with you
gardening with you

mama, even though you are not my mother
you made me feel like your daughter
i enjoyed the love and care you gave me
i enjoyed the time you spent with me

mama, even though you are not here anymore,
i will always remember you
i will always think of you
i will always remembers all the advise from you...

i promise,
i will care for him
i will love him
and i will try my best to understand him....

hope you are happy there....


i love you mama....