Everlasting Guilt

I can't seem to find the words
to say just how I feel
The pain is ever growing
since they put you on that hill

I stop by to say I miss you
almost every day
I pray that God above will soon
take this hurt away

I can still see you lying there
among that crumpled heap
I wish that I could close my eyes
and this memory delete

It haunts me every waking hour
and in every wink of sleep
Ever losing grip on sanity
no longer mine to keep

I would give most anything
if I could rewrite history
Cause in my heart I know that you
should be here instead of me

In my cell, my private Hell
locked inside my head
If I hadn't had too much to drink
then you would not be dead