am i doing the right thing?

yesteday i did not go to school again since i arrived back to singapore late at around 9 am... hahaha late to class so didnt go at all... so went home and sleep and then shazwani called and we went raya-ing all the way till the time for me to go to work... hahaha... damn fun... we manage to go to 9 houses... but no collection as we are so old already... hehehe....

well at work was damn heck... stupid fucking difficult customers.... really sucks.... asking stupid questions... and i only manage to close 2 case... haish....





then after work i met ilham again... well like usual he ask me to follow him to canada.. that damn bloody bastard... hehe... he knew i am still schooling... am i am hating it... well even i hate it i still have to do it...


haish... what should i do???

Reply to my best friend

I know it's hard for you to forget him. Love is a funny thing when we don't want to remember the person's who are once yours but when you have stay away for a long time that you realise that he is the one for you but is too late for you to chase him.

Like me when i found out that those guys that i have fall for most of them are really my Mr. right but i didn't treasure them only when i have been away from them that i understand that why i have been foolish to break up with them. When i know that everything that they have give me is a precious memories but now i only regard that i have not told them how i feel and talk to them nice and not hiding everything from them.

You are lucky that all your guys understand your feelings and thoughts but me i am different from you that i suffer in pain that i have not been able to find a new love that will treasure me and understand the pain that i am going through.

I have not been in a tip top conditions in my life. On friday, i heard in class that "M" said that there is one person in class don't have a life that can be enjoy .

to jasmine choo hui ming...

jasmine, i canna accept him back... i mean i have moved on... i cant accept him back... even if come and kneel and begged me for it....

first day of raya

i hate my first day of raya...

not fun at all

i really hate it man....

well let me tell you the story...

i saw the blog post by ilham and i know it is not going to be fun...
my family went to my aunt's place at around 4.30pm and to make it worse i dont like my dad's side of the family so we all sit one corner.... then we had our meal, but it was not really that nice... coz the person i was looking forward to meet is not they... my cousin, imran... well he is there but did not talk to me... he was occupied by my other cousins... haish.... really sux....

then when we reached home, my contact lens were not in their place... my left eye contact lens was under my lid and i took around an hour trying to take it out.... then this morning, i spend another one our trying to fix it on again... haish.... sux...


well in class today, i found out that there is a UT in the afternoon... tot just wanna skip third meeting.. and watch movie... haish... well... hm.. wat should i do????

ah... decided... go watch movie and skip the lesson and test... yeah!!!! ok... call yasmin out!!! yes!!!

What a beautiful way of melting a broken heart just like this. Too bad that you have melt the wrong heart to see this. what a sad way of making the wrong heart to think of the past that have not been able to be close to the lover that is so far away from this lonely flower in the gloom valley

the good old days....

i fell in love with you when i first saw your smile...

i fell in love with you when i first heard you laugh...

i fell in love with yuo when i first saw tyou cry...

i fell in love with you when you first make a glance...

i fell in love with you when you first make mesmile...

i fell in love with you when you first make me laugh...

i fell in love with you when i saw you cook...

i fell in love with you when i saw you dancing in the rain...

i fell in love in you when you first make a blunder...

i fell in love with you even when you are mad...

i fell in love with you when we first hugged each other...

i fell in love with you when we first shared the green tea ice cream...

i fell in love with you when you first fall asleep in my lap...

i fell in love with you every single time i set my eyes on you...




for my love for you, is true and pure...

and i will never let it cool down...

for i know the fire is everlasting, warm and cosy...



making me smile even more....

i am coming back

hidayah...

i am coming back.. i am coming back again to your arms.... i can't wait!!!


i love you didi!!

i love you so much....

wait for me....


i promise you i am coming back...

and i am going to make sure it's coming true...

17th September 2008

yesterday i didnt go to school again... i spent most of the time at home but i did get a hold of myself after the great shock about AIG downfalls. well, jasmine cam to my place after her class and we had a long chat... and fun too... after she left i received a call from ashiq to break fast together...

well after asking permission from my dad, i got ready and we went to geylang bazaar to do a little bit of shopping and eating and enjoying... he bought me a new shawl... pinkish purple... cute... but i dont really like the color... well i cant say it to him but its the tot that counts... so i accdepted the gift with all my heart.... i gave him a 5 inch songkok in return...

i really miss shopping for azahar... and i know ashiq miss him too... well life is just too complicated sometimes... my pain subdued everytime i am with him... i don't know why... maybe because i have been spending alot of time with him and i feel a sense of security and peace with him... just like when i was with azahar...

yesterday, i really had a lot of fun... i felt so happy.... this was the first time i had this kind of fun eversince azahar's death... ashiq really have been there for me... i still remember a time when i was really depressed about azahar's death and tried so many time to end my life, ashiq took care of me, he always call me whenever he can to ensure that i am not lonely and i am coping fine... and i know he is not doing it just because he is my doctor, but because i was his friend.. and not many friends do that for you...

email from ilham!!!!!

this morning when i woke up, i found myself sleeping on the desk again....
and my computer is on....
and there was a new mail....
and it was from ilham....
two good news and three bad news came along with it...
good news:
1. he is coming back for eid mubarak
2. he is going to meet my parents and ask for my hand of marriage.
bad news:
1. he got a job there and will be needed to go back to canada after eid mubarak
2. his dad called him about the company's fund
3. there is a higher possibility that my dad will reject his hand of marriage to me and make me work for him even more!!!!!

well i just hope that after ilham return back to me for eid, i will get peace in me and rest my mind... and also that maybe i still am holding on to this life is due to my longingness of him to come back to me even though the pain is unbearable anymore....

AIG drop......

oh my god... i cant believe it man.... how can they drop... =oh well... since MAS said its ok, i will just let it be.... anyways, its not my money... hahahaha.... man, i am bad... how can i said that... it belong to ilham... shit.... well i better go meet the mom in case she wonders and acuse me of swindling the money.....