What a beautiful way of melting a broken heart just like this. Too bad that you have melt the wrong heart to see this. what a sad way of making the wrong heart to think of the past that have not been able to be close to the lover that is so far away from this lonely flower in the gloom valley

the good old days....

i fell in love with you when i first saw your smile...

i fell in love with you when i first heard you laugh...

i fell in love with yuo when i first saw tyou cry...

i fell in love with you when you first make a glance...

i fell in love with you when you first make mesmile...

i fell in love with you when you first make me laugh...

i fell in love with you when i saw you cook...

i fell in love with you when i saw you dancing in the rain...

i fell in love in you when you first make a blunder...

i fell in love with you even when you are mad...

i fell in love with you when we first hugged each other...

i fell in love with you when we first shared the green tea ice cream...

i fell in love with you when you first fall asleep in my lap...

i fell in love with you every single time i set my eyes on you...




for my love for you, is true and pure...

and i will never let it cool down...

for i know the fire is everlasting, warm and cosy...



making me smile even more....

i am coming back

hidayah...

i am coming back.. i am coming back again to your arms.... i can't wait!!!


i love you didi!!

i love you so much....

wait for me....


i promise you i am coming back...

and i am going to make sure it's coming true...

17th September 2008

yesterday i didnt go to school again... i spent most of the time at home but i did get a hold of myself after the great shock about AIG downfalls. well, jasmine cam to my place after her class and we had a long chat... and fun too... after she left i received a call from ashiq to break fast together...

well after asking permission from my dad, i got ready and we went to geylang bazaar to do a little bit of shopping and eating and enjoying... he bought me a new shawl... pinkish purple... cute... but i dont really like the color... well i cant say it to him but its the tot that counts... so i accdepted the gift with all my heart.... i gave him a 5 inch songkok in return...

i really miss shopping for azahar... and i know ashiq miss him too... well life is just too complicated sometimes... my pain subdued everytime i am with him... i don't know why... maybe because i have been spending alot of time with him and i feel a sense of security and peace with him... just like when i was with azahar...

yesterday, i really had a lot of fun... i felt so happy.... this was the first time i had this kind of fun eversince azahar's death... ashiq really have been there for me... i still remember a time when i was really depressed about azahar's death and tried so many time to end my life, ashiq took care of me, he always call me whenever he can to ensure that i am not lonely and i am coping fine... and i know he is not doing it just because he is my doctor, but because i was his friend.. and not many friends do that for you...

email from ilham!!!!!

this morning when i woke up, i found myself sleeping on the desk again....
and my computer is on....
and there was a new mail....
and it was from ilham....
two good news and three bad news came along with it...
good news:
1. he is coming back for eid mubarak
2. he is going to meet my parents and ask for my hand of marriage.
bad news:
1. he got a job there and will be needed to go back to canada after eid mubarak
2. his dad called him about the company's fund
3. there is a higher possibility that my dad will reject his hand of marriage to me and make me work for him even more!!!!!

well i just hope that after ilham return back to me for eid, i will get peace in me and rest my mind... and also that maybe i still am holding on to this life is due to my longingness of him to come back to me even though the pain is unbearable anymore....

AIG drop......

oh my god... i cant believe it man.... how can they drop... =oh well... since MAS said its ok, i will just let it be.... anyways, its not my money... hahahaha.... man, i am bad... how can i said that... it belong to ilham... shit.... well i better go meet the mom in case she wonders and acuse me of swindling the money.....