Wednesday, October 31, 2007

i am getting weaker day by day...

i am getting weaker day by day... but at least better than the past few weeks... i have been getting in and out of hospital very often. Ashiq did tell me about it few months ago. it is just that he didn't predict it to be this fast. he said it is getting worse and i am to get treatment as fast as i can... it is not that i don't wish to get treated but it is just that i don't have the means of expenses... the operation is so damn expensive... and... i am scared of needles... but not when i do it to others... hahahahaha... funny rite... i am afraid of needles in me but i am not scared to inject others... well i just feel scared of the pain... and not only that operations means scars.. i hate scars coz i have too many...

zul didnt know the seriousness of it coz i know that if he knows about it then he will never let me stay there anymore... and there is something else he didnt know about me... something that most girls find it not valuable but is to me...

i was sec two at that point of time... oh man... why ashiq!!! why do you have to tell him!!! why do you have to tell him!!! i hate you ashiq!!! i hate you.... you said u will never tell anyone... but why ashiq!!! why didnt you keep your mouth shut???? why did you have to tell him!!! now he is avoiding me... why didnt you tell him the whole thruth... now... i am all alone... i got no one else ashiq!!! no one else!!! no one esle to look for when i am in trouble... not even my family... you knew that didnt you?

i feel so miserable rite now... no matter what i do..i cant seem to put it a side...

i am sorry zul... i didnt mean to hide it from you... it wasnt my fault... i didnt ask for it... and i suffered for it zul... i went thru so much because of it. i hate it zul... i hate myself... i really do... i ddidnt meant to lie to you... i swear... i really swear... i got kicked zul... they put the drugs in my drinks... i was unconcious... i swear... i swear... even azahar knew of it... infact he was there when it happened... he help me out... he took care of me eversince because of it... his friends did it to me... pls... let me explain it to you zul... pls... listen to me... you can ask ashiq wat happen too... he was there too... you know how close he is to azahar rite... he was there too... ashiq was there too...













ashvin, i am sorry but i didnt have the courage to tell him about this... i cant stand to see him disappointed... especially about this... he dont deserve anything to know about this... and i am also sorry for hiding it from you... i am truly sorry.... i trully am...



imran.... i am also sorry... i cause you much hurt... please forgive me...


zul... if you think i dont deserve to be there for you, pls tell me... better still kill me.... because this gap of distance is killing me.... killing me hard.... pls.... pls...pls... i love you zul... i love you as much as i love azahar and rusydin... coz u took care of me when i need someone to support me... but i cant accept you zul... i am sorry... i am not the kind of girl who derserve you... i know you will find some one else... no matter what zul, i will always remember you...

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