could it get any worse...

people say sorrow could bring disaster to you... maybe it is true....
because ever since i had lost azahar, my health had been at worsening states that i myself could not explain and control...
until now...
it gets harder for me to smile in my heart....
truly smile with the warmth of happiness and comfort...

people always see me smile but they did not know...

that my heart bleds in agony...
in pain....
in shame....

my mother once asked...
why did i have to lie to myself???
why am i such a hypocrite???
why do i always make things difficult for myself???
why am i always a burden to others????

and she once said to me....
i am always a liar...
i am a burden to her...
she wished i was never born....
she wished i am never was her daughter...

and my dad....
i am a disgrace to the family...
i monster....
i jinx....










why cant others understand me????
why cat they let me rest in peace???
why do they have to make my life so hard to survive???




jasmine???
she is a friend...
always there when i need her...
but there are times she could help me...


daniel???
i dont know...
he used to be my best friend...
but now???
he dont even care!!!
he got new friends!!!
he have no time for me!!!

azahar???
he left me didnt he???
for good they say....

joseph???
gone too...
never heard from him again...

suhaimi...
a very nice guy...
but he had chosen his own way....
he dont like me...
dont wish to fulfil omah's wish...
said it was rubbish...
there is no need for a union to make the family together again...



so...

i am all alone....

again...

always....

forever...