welcoming eid dul fitri with tears...

as raya come to a near,my sense of being cheerful at all times...

i spend most of the time at night remembering all the people who left me alone in this world of cruelty... i miss them... alot... especially my twin brother... i miss him so much... and this raya once again are of no value to me... it is useless without them celebrating with me...

i miss my brother so much even it was like so long ago... i lost him when we were 3... it was our birthday party that he died. it was so hard for me... but i know he is near and always look after me even from far...

everytime i feel bad, or feel stress, i always dream of him and azahar... i still remember when i lost azahar in the car accident i dreamt of him saying that azahar still and always love love me... even if azahar can not be with me, he is always with me... in my heart...

azahar... i love him alot... i didnt mean to kill him... i didnt mean to run away like that... i didnt mean to get angry... i swear i love him and i swear i still need him even when i was with rusydin... i still need him by my side... because no one... no one in this world would do that for me... no one in the world will sacrifice and change for me... no one... no one will ask the family to convert to islam and teach islam to the family and teach them the goodness of islam to their family so that he can marry me... no one...

no one can replace him in my heart... no one can give me the sense of safe and secure like when i am with him... no one...