28/5/08

today i don't know why suddenly i kind of miss the guy my parents were trying to fixed my marriage with.... i mean out of sudden he pop out in my head.... so i sms himlah but he did not reply.... then i try to sms the girl he likes but then i guy call me and said that he is the girl's fiance... hm... what happen???? why suddenly this happen??? i thought they love each other????

i am so confuse....

Ilham, he is still the same... he keep ignoring me.... i don't know why too.... i didn't do him wrong... never... not ever since he found out about my illness... if he is ignoring me because of his mother's death...that is damn fucking ridiculous.... i meant she died for a bout a month already la.... and why does he have to keep blaming himself.... it is not his mistake or wrong or he is the cause of her death but it has already been fated by ALLAH S.W.T and there is nothing that he can do...

and Ashiq, he still calling me everyday... reminding me to take my medication on time and never skip my meal.... he really reminds me of Azahar and Zulkenien... but not that obsessive like Azahar though... at least he doesn't call me half an hour before my meal time and medication time and half an hour after my meal and medication time like Azahar used to do when he was still alive....

Zulkenien, he is happy with his wife... and he too keep calling me but not always but once every two to three days ... but his wife... we are quite close now but we always avoid to talk about the past because i know it will hurt her... oh yeah i met her with Zulkenien last saturday, well it was abot awkward actually, when we meet, i kissed Zulkenien on his cheek like i always do when we meet last time... i don't know why but it was like a tradition now.... at first she don't like it but when i do it to her too, she kind of slightly relief i think... and that point of time i was with Ashiq... we went shopping... welll i accompanied him shopping... i have been doing since Azahar died... he used to be his shopping partners.... then the four of us went movie together... we went to watch congkak a thriller by a malaysian director.... quite popular in the malay community world wide but because i have difficulties recalling names, i can't remember what his name is.... dinner was fun.... we ate at indochine restaurant near the victorian theater there.... and then Ashiq sent me home and he straight away drive away to his mother's place....

well now, i am really bored and confuse because of shairi, the guy my parents tried to fix me with, i mean i did not expect to them to break up like this....