help me....

things have really gone bad.... i cant think right.. my mind is like blowing off each time i am with other people. i mean i dont feel good around people... i just dont know why.... but at the same time, i feel worse when i am alone.... i feel like wanting to jump of the building or something... and every time i think about it, i feel like a jerk....

and ilham, he is still having a hard time... i mean he is quite close to her, she is his mom...
i miss her too.... and the worse thing is he blame me for it... for telling his mom the truth.. the cause of her death... is it true?? i meant well by telling her the truth.. i never wanted this to happened to her or me...
i love him.... i love him so much... and the more he blames me, the more ithurts me to the core... like what he is telling is the truth to it... and every time i get things to get right, they backfired.....

i dont know what to do anymore.. is all this because of myself or is it just that it happen as a coincidence.... i really dont know....
and i don't want to know...