Reply to my baby

Thought i know that i have left you for a long time
I have not forget of you but i have been by your side seen i have gone to a far away place
I have not forget your smile and the days we spend together how i wish that i can turn the time to be with you again .

I know that you have been down for so long yet i wish you all the happiness in the world and i would be looking after you as your guradine angel like your best friend that is there for you.

In my heart you shall forever remain.

I'm sitting here in my room, looking at your picture.
Wondering why you couldn't be a part of my future.
Uncontrollable tears stream down my face,
while my heart beat starts to race.
Asking god why he took you from my life,
it was more painful than stabing me in the heart with a knife.
I still needed you here
you were the one to make everythng so clear.
you are apart of me and I am apart of you
when you died a part of me died too.
I never knew how hard it was to loose someone you love
until the day you went to heaven above.
Even though I can't see,
I know your up there watching over me.
I miss you more and more everyday
and all I can do is pray.
In my heart you shall forever remain.

Remember

Remember me when I am gone away,

Gone far away into the silent land;

When you can no more hold me by the hand,

Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.

Remember me when no more day by day

You tell me of our future that you plann'd;

only remember me; you understand

it will be late to cousel then or pray.

Yet if you should forget me for a while.

And afterwards remember, do not grieve:

For if the darkness and corruption leave

A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,

Better by far you should forget and smile

than that you should remember and be sad.

By Christina Georgina Rossetti

1830-1894,b.England

My delight and thy delight

My delight and thy delight

walking, like two angels white,

In gardens of the night:

My desire and thy desire

Twining to a tongue of fire,

Leaping live and laughing higher:

Thro' the everlasting strife

In the mystery of life.

Love from whom the world begun,

Hath the secret of the sun.

Love can tell, and love alone,

whence the million stars were strewn,

why each atom knows its own,

How, in spite of woe and death,

Gay is life, and sweet is breath:

This he taught us, this we knew,

Happy in his science true,

Hand in hand as we stood

'Neath the shawdows of the wood,

Heart to heart as we lay

in the dawning of the day.

by Robert Bridges

1844-1930 ,b.England

Everlasting Guilt

I can't seem to find the words
to say just how I feel
The pain is ever growing
since they put you on that hill

I stop by to say I miss you
almost every day
I pray that God above will soon
take this hurt away

I can still see you lying there
among that crumpled heap
I wish that I could close my eyes
and this memory delete

It haunts me every waking hour
and in every wink of sleep
Ever losing grip on sanity
no longer mine to keep

I would give most anything
if I could rewrite history
Cause in my heart I know that you
should be here instead of me

In my cell, my private Hell
locked inside my head
If I hadn't had too much to drink
then you would not be dead

Is Donald Trump Joining A MLM? by Dornessa Harris

In 1998, audiences of the David Letterman show began to hoot and boo Donald Trump, a guest on the show. He very sternly looked into the audience and said. "That's why I'm sitting up here and you are all sitting out there."

Now, Donald Trump is one of the riches men in the world because he is able to recognize opportunity.

David Letterman asked him the question, “What would you do if you lost everything and had to start over from scratch?”

Without a bit of hesitation, Donald Trump answered, “I would find a good network marketing company and get to work.”

Multilevel Marketing is the fastest and most money efficient tool for making money today. The key to MLM success is acquiring the numbers. Meaning, the more people that one recruits to join, the more money one makes.

It’s just that simple.

Don’t get it twisted.

One must be properly trained when joining MLM companies in order to become successful regardless of what the company promotes. Many people jump into a work from home opportunity without the proper tools in hopes of becoming financially free. Normally, what should be a part-time income stream results in a path to losing more money.

95% of all network marketers fail. It is fact. Most may ask the question, “Why do I hear so many success stories?” It’s simple. The stories that you repeatedly hear are those of the minority, not the majority.

Only 5% of network marketers ever make it to financial freedom. MLM companies promote their success stories all over the world and they are usually the individuals who joined the company in its early days. Companies don’t tell its members that.

MLM Companies fail to mention that the majority of its members are making little to no money at all. And they fail to mention that as in any career, job or position, one must be properly trained. Or they consistently promote products to their members promising success that they know don’t work.

A prime example is Prosperity Automatic Systems or PAS. Representatives consistently marketed products and services to new recruits when they, themselves, knew the products did not work simply because it was money going in their pocket as well as the company.

As with Donald Trump’s television show the “Apprentice,” if he feels that a contestant is incapable of running a corporation, he fires them with his favorite phrase “You’re Fired!” The winner of his show each season is the person who he feels has the ability and training to run a multimillion dollar corporation.

With that being said, why are there so many people joining network marketing programs unprepared? Being able to work at home is truly a desirable option. I say again, if, and only if, one is properly trained.

There are many stay at home moms who desire to become work at home moms as well as others who desire a part time internet business or work from home opportunity.


Don’t get caught in that 95% of individuals who are failing. Get trained.

my last words....

hidayah,


i know its hard for you...

and i know you know it is even harder for me....

but i believe you believe that it is best for me.




you have always been there for me when my mother died. you always wait for me at home even if was very late and you have class the next day... you always try your best to make my day...

i am sorry.

very sorry.

i was never good to you. especially after mom died. i have always been blaming you for her death. but life in canada have really changed me. when i was there, i have no one to wait for me. to cook for me and to wake me every morning. iron my clothes. make my bed and even prepare my bath.

you were more than just a woman for me. you are my life. my soul.

i was stupid. i should have known better.

i really hope you will get a better guy than me. and i will always pray that the guy will take care of you and fill up your life.

take care of yourself.




I LOVE YOU.

GOOD BYE.

what am i doing?

today my faci ask me if i am content with what i have. and in the rj, i lied... well 50% of the information is a lie.... i am not contented. and my am is true is just that the statistic in the rj is not true... hahaha... well who give a fucking damn about it right???


well now i am in the train on my way to work... haish so boring so i tot maybe on-ing my video will do but the sound is not as good coz i didnt bring my headset so i have to let it out loud in the train... hahaha... so selfish... WHO CARES!!!!!

yesterday i wen to chong pang to meet zul... we had a very late supper and walk... it was about 1 in the morning and the roads are quite empty.... and we cycled to all over yishun... it was fun... there was about 20 of us... it has been a very long time since i had a long and big group cycling like this. the last time i remembered there was only 9 of us... and azahar was there... ilham was there... imran was there... shazwani, mira, dira, zul, and two other guys from NSS.... we cycled from 11 pm till 5 am... we went to the reservoir near my house and sit there for awhile and go home....

we sent those far away first and zul and azahar sent me last , left their bicycle and took off on their car....

but yesterday, everyone was from yishun so the night was not much tiring... and we went on our own after the cycling.













wel anyways end with it.... now i in train back home.... it is 10 21 on my watch.... well i had a long chat with marieann... lots of sharing... and i shared about me wen i was in sec sch... haha
it was funny wen i think of it... well.. past is past and we have to move on... and next station is mine... so have to knock of... bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

am i doing the right thing?

yesteday i did not go to school again since i arrived back to singapore late at around 9 am... hahaha late to class so didnt go at all... so went home and sleep and then shazwani called and we went raya-ing all the way till the time for me to go to work... hahaha... damn fun... we manage to go to 9 houses... but no collection as we are so old already... hehehe....

well at work was damn heck... stupid fucking difficult customers.... really sucks.... asking stupid questions... and i only manage to close 2 case... haish....





then after work i met ilham again... well like usual he ask me to follow him to canada.. that damn bloody bastard... hehe... he knew i am still schooling... am i am hating it... well even i hate it i still have to do it...


haish... what should i do???

Reply to my best friend

I know it's hard for you to forget him. Love is a funny thing when we don't want to remember the person's who are once yours but when you have stay away for a long time that you realise that he is the one for you but is too late for you to chase him.

Like me when i found out that those guys that i have fall for most of them are really my Mr. right but i didn't treasure them only when i have been away from them that i understand that why i have been foolish to break up with them. When i know that everything that they have give me is a precious memories but now i only regard that i have not told them how i feel and talk to them nice and not hiding everything from them.

You are lucky that all your guys understand your feelings and thoughts but me i am different from you that i suffer in pain that i have not been able to find a new love that will treasure me and understand the pain that i am going through.

I have not been in a tip top conditions in my life. On friday, i heard in class that "M" said that there is one person in class don't have a life that can be enjoy .

to jasmine choo hui ming...

jasmine, i canna accept him back... i mean i have moved on... i cant accept him back... even if come and kneel and begged me for it....

first day of raya

i hate my first day of raya...

not fun at all

i really hate it man....

well let me tell you the story...

i saw the blog post by ilham and i know it is not going to be fun...
my family went to my aunt's place at around 4.30pm and to make it worse i dont like my dad's side of the family so we all sit one corner.... then we had our meal, but it was not really that nice... coz the person i was looking forward to meet is not they... my cousin, imran... well he is there but did not talk to me... he was occupied by my other cousins... haish.... really sux....

then when we reached home, my contact lens were not in their place... my left eye contact lens was under my lid and i took around an hour trying to take it out.... then this morning, i spend another one our trying to fix it on again... haish.... sux...


well in class today, i found out that there is a UT in the afternoon... tot just wanna skip third meeting.. and watch movie... haish... well... hm.. wat should i do????

ah... decided... go watch movie and skip the lesson and test... yeah!!!! ok... call yasmin out!!! yes!!!

What a beautiful way of melting a broken heart just like this. Too bad that you have melt the wrong heart to see this. what a sad way of making the wrong heart to think of the past that have not been able to be close to the lover that is so far away from this lonely flower in the gloom valley

the good old days....

i fell in love with you when i first saw your smile...

i fell in love with you when i first heard you laugh...

i fell in love with yuo when i first saw tyou cry...

i fell in love with you when you first make a glance...

i fell in love with you when you first make mesmile...

i fell in love with you when you first make me laugh...

i fell in love with you when i saw you cook...

i fell in love with you when i saw you dancing in the rain...

i fell in love in you when you first make a blunder...

i fell in love with you even when you are mad...

i fell in love with you when we first hugged each other...

i fell in love with you when we first shared the green tea ice cream...

i fell in love with you when you first fall asleep in my lap...

i fell in love with you every single time i set my eyes on you...




for my love for you, is true and pure...

and i will never let it cool down...

for i know the fire is everlasting, warm and cosy...



making me smile even more....

i am coming back

hidayah...

i am coming back.. i am coming back again to your arms.... i can't wait!!!


i love you didi!!

i love you so much....

wait for me....


i promise you i am coming back...

and i am going to make sure it's coming true...

17th September 2008

yesterday i didnt go to school again... i spent most of the time at home but i did get a hold of myself after the great shock about AIG downfalls. well, jasmine cam to my place after her class and we had a long chat... and fun too... after she left i received a call from ashiq to break fast together...

well after asking permission from my dad, i got ready and we went to geylang bazaar to do a little bit of shopping and eating and enjoying... he bought me a new shawl... pinkish purple... cute... but i dont really like the color... well i cant say it to him but its the tot that counts... so i accdepted the gift with all my heart.... i gave him a 5 inch songkok in return...

i really miss shopping for azahar... and i know ashiq miss him too... well life is just too complicated sometimes... my pain subdued everytime i am with him... i don't know why... maybe because i have been spending alot of time with him and i feel a sense of security and peace with him... just like when i was with azahar...

yesterday, i really had a lot of fun... i felt so happy.... this was the first time i had this kind of fun eversince azahar's death... ashiq really have been there for me... i still remember a time when i was really depressed about azahar's death and tried so many time to end my life, ashiq took care of me, he always call me whenever he can to ensure that i am not lonely and i am coping fine... and i know he is not doing it just because he is my doctor, but because i was his friend.. and not many friends do that for you...

email from ilham!!!!!

this morning when i woke up, i found myself sleeping on the desk again....
and my computer is on....
and there was a new mail....
and it was from ilham....
two good news and three bad news came along with it...
good news:
1. he is coming back for eid mubarak
2. he is going to meet my parents and ask for my hand of marriage.
bad news:
1. he got a job there and will be needed to go back to canada after eid mubarak
2. his dad called him about the company's fund
3. there is a higher possibility that my dad will reject his hand of marriage to me and make me work for him even more!!!!!

well i just hope that after ilham return back to me for eid, i will get peace in me and rest my mind... and also that maybe i still am holding on to this life is due to my longingness of him to come back to me even though the pain is unbearable anymore....

AIG drop......

oh my god... i cant believe it man.... how can they drop... =oh well... since MAS said its ok, i will just let it be.... anyways, its not my money... hahahaha.... man, i am bad... how can i said that... it belong to ilham... shit.... well i better go meet the mom in case she wonders and acuse me of swindling the money.....

Hi, this is the 4 day i can't seem to get you? Have you left for your dream job ?
This is not funny i am starting to miss you . The friends that i have last time i broke away from them as i think i am werido who is there to be laugh at and not feel happy and enjoying myself with them.

You are the only best friend that i can count on but now when i am in need of help and just to go out with you i can't get you . I am afraid that i will become a person you will not know in just a few week without being together.

My sunshine where are you ? My life is tough now and i don't know where to go and what to do. I can't return to campus or even see you what am i suppose to do without you in my life.

That spot that you are in is very cold and sad. I feel that you are so far away i can't seem to see or hear you any more.

Please come back to me as soon as possible. The life that i don't want to live at all is that i have no more friends and i am only left with your present and this blog. Which there is no soul and a voice that i hear everyday and the joy of just been with you.

HAM!!!!

that is not i meant... and i do not want your house.... that is your hard earn money... and promise me if i belongs to someone else, you better not comeback... coz it is gonna hurt me more.... and i will not be able to take it.... so please....

hi hidayah


ham faham maksud dayah....

no matter what happen, i will still love you... rumah ham yang di ivory heights tu, dayah boleh amik.... take it as if a birthday present for you... rumah tu dah habis bayar... property documents are all with my dad... i have already told my dad everything... tell him and he will give it to you...

thanks for letting me to love you... ham janji.... i will return to you... even if you belong to someone else....


happy birthday....

life...

things have gone wrong this year... yet another disappointing year.... life is too long for me.. how i wish i can make it short... why do i have to face all this every year....



pls kill me!!!!

thanks ilham

hi ilham...
thanks for your wish and promises...
but i think you will not be able to keep the promises...
and i know i cant....even if i still loves you not that i dont love you now but maybe in the future i will not be able to love you....



but this song, i wish to tell you how i feel...
i hope you understand what i meant....

I am thinking of you

In my sleepless solitude tonight

If it's wrong to love you

Then my heart just won't let me be right

'Cause I've drowned in you

And I won't pull through

Without you by my side

I'd give my all to have

Just one more night with you

I'd risk my life to feel

Your body next to mine

'cause I can't go on

Living in the memory of our song

I'd give my all for your love tonight

Baby can you feel me

Imagining I'm looking in your eyes

I can see you clearly

Vividly emblazoned in my mind

And yet you're so far

Like a distant star

I'm wishing on tonight

I'd give my all to have

Just one more night with you

I'd risk my life to feel

Your body next to mine

'Cause I can't go on

Living in the memory of our song

I'd give my all for your love tonight

happy advance birthday!!!

hi hidayah....

happy advance birthday....

19 this year huh????

two more years and complete freedom.... all that you have been wanting ever since your 18th birthday right????

well this year i am nable to celebrate your birthday with you like i had promises....

i am really sorry!!!

i had to leave...

but do bear in mind that i still love you....







dayah, hati ham masih lagi sayangkan dayah... hati ham masih lagi inginkan dayah disisi ham tapi inilah yang terbaik... sebab.... dengan cara ini sahaja ham dapat tenangkan hati ham yang terlalu keruh....

ham janji.. kalau ham dah ok... ham akan kembali untuk dayah... tolong beri ham mase lagi...


sayang ham pada dayah terlalu kuat...

tapi situasi ham di sana amat memberatkan hati ham dan ham tahu yang dayah amat terseksa dengan situasi itu... maafkan ham...


happy birthday to you....
happy birthday to you....
happy birthday to my baby.....
happy birthday to you....


happy 19th birthday....



luv you.....

muahcks.......

Love is not in the air for both of us. Where is the lover that we are looking for ? Why are guy so cruel to us and why have their have to break our heart and soul .

MY own love is gone... like the wind in the air. Never understand why love can be cruel to me and never to find that love that is there for me. Many time i try to find love i will not be able to see what is round me but only the guy for me.

Hidayah was around me not matter what . Through all my difficult time and sorrow for those guy that i once have . I really miss her , she can't left me now as i would be lonley as she is my only friend that i have with me. Seen we can't be together every day she will be in my heart forever no one else that take that spot in my heart as my best best friend.

She is my sunshine and i am her little flower that she shine down on . without her sun shine i would not have grow to a beautiful flower in the garden of happiness where i would be waiting for her.

thank you taufiq...

i tot u were different from all those out there.. i tot u would understand.... but i was wrong... u gave me hope.. u gave me dreams so high that i fell hard to reality... what zul said was right... there are rarely a man who can accept me like this... its not that i didnt try to solve it... i tried everything... i tried so many products... so many fragrance... but it didnt help... infact they make it worse...

but atleast i would like to thank you taufiq.. coz at a period of time, you made me happy... you make me feel comfortable around you... you also gave me a new start... even though it was a short period, i really appriciate it... thank you... remeber my promise? that i will never forget you... that i will keep.. not for breaking my heart but for making me happy...









life is really difficult... atleast jasmine understand me... she has been there for me since we were sec one... she is really a true friend.... a great friend... the only one who understand my feelings, my thinking, my worries, my burden, my sadness and all the things that revolve around me...

she was der during my difficult times... my sickness, and my healthy time... my stress and my enjoying time...



thank you jasmine... today we really had a good time... and the last time we had this fun was years ago... we were just too busy for each other... thank you for being there at my crucial period.. i tot i was a goner that time.. but u make me stay strong to fight for another living day tomoro... baby, i am doing this for you... and no one else....

its too good to be true....

i tot he was different... but when i told him about my body odour, he ignore any communications with me... luckily we did not meet... or it would hurt even more than dis...

my RJ for my MSI p11 today....

According to Patch Adams, the 'clown' physician, humour is the best 'medicine'. What are your views on this?
Humour, happiness, laughter or anything associates with the feeling of not in trouble of burden of any sorts, is the best medicine... well this is now supported by scientist and proffesionals... one example is actually done by Chris Robert, assistant professor of management in MU’s Robert J. Trulaske, Sr. College of Business, said that humor – particularly joking around about things associated with the job – actually has a positive impact in the workplace. Occasional humor among colleagues, he said, enhances creativity, department cohesiveness and overall performance.
The conclusion was made by examining theories on humor and integrating literature from a wide variety of disciplines that touch on the subject. Several hundred sources were analyzed by Robert and collaborator Wan Yan, a business doctoral student, who have attempted to bring together literature from numerous disciplines to make the case that humor is serious business.
“Humor has a significant impact in organizations,” said Robert, who also teaches psychology in MU’s College of Arts and Science. “Humor isn’t incompatible with goals of the workplace. It’s not incompatible with the organization’s desire to be competitive. In fact, we argue that humor is pretty important. It’s not just clowning around and having fun; it has meaningful impact on cohesiveness in the workplace and communication quality among workers. The ability to appreciate humor, the ability to laugh and make other people laugh actually has physiological effects on the body that cause people to become more bonded.”
and another example is actually held by a professor name Melissa B. Wanzer, EdD, professor of communication studies at Canisius College in Buffalo, NY, has taken it one step further, with her research on how humor helps medical professionals cope with their difficult jobs. She also looked at how humor affects the elderly and how it can increase communication in the workplace and in the classroom.
“If employees view their managers as humor-oriented, they also view them as more effective,” notes Wanzer. “Employees also reported higher job satisfaction when they worked for someone who was more humor-oriented and used humor effectively and appropriately.” Wanzer and her colleagues found that humor is an effective way to cope with on-the-job stress – again, when used appropriately.
Wanzer also recently collaborated on research that found aging adults who used humor more frequently reported greater coping efficacy, which led to greater life satisfaction. This was the third study she conducted, with three different populations, where the conclusion was the same.
so do i... i believe in humor... because in humor it gives hope to you... happiness give you a sense of warmth that not even the sun could give... and laughter it erases all your worries and troubles behind for you are enjoying yourselves.... that is why humor, which brings happiness and laughter, IS the best medicine....

my PP report

There are many Multi-Level Marketing (MLM) companies in Singapore. Some of the companies are however, a Pyramid Marketing company that requires a higher investment to get monthly returns. Most people in Singapore are still unable to differentiate the difference between a pure MLM and pyramid company.

MLM company participants are to invest their capital in the mode of buying and selling of products. The returns then calculated in the total sales points accumulated from the personal sales and personal group sale required by the individual MLM Company.

However, a pyramid scheme or pyramid system is a non-sustainable business model that involves the exchange of money primarily for enrolling other people into the scheme, usually without any product or service delivered. It is known to come under many guises. Some famous examples including the massive Albanian Pyramid Schemes of 1996 were technically not Pyramid schemes but Ponzi schemes.

Albanian Pyramid Schemes was a crisis faced by the Albanian government in the financial year of 1996 to 197 when at least two-third of the nation had made an investment through the scheme. The political and the social consequences of the collapsed of the pyramid scheme were profound. There were uncontained rioting, fall of the government, resulting descended into anarchy and a near civil war where more than two thousand people are killed.

The Albanian Pyramid Schemes are known as the Ponzi schemes. A Ponzi scheme is a fraudulent investment operation that involves paying abnormally high returns to investors out of the money paid in by subsequent investors, rather than from net revenues generated by any real business. It was name after Charles Ponzi. A man whom was the most influential and top convicted person that created and cause the Albanian 1996 financial crisis.

Pyramid schemes are illegal in many countries, including the United States, the United Kingdom, France, Canada, Malaysia, Norway, Australia, New Zealand, Nepal, Sri Lanka and Iran. These types of schemes have existed for at least a century.
A MLM company otherwise, also known as Network Marketing is a business distribution model that allows a parent multi-level marketing company to market their products directly to consumers by means of relationship referral and direct selling.

Independent unsalaried salespeople of multi-level marketing referred to as distributors (associates, independent business owners, franchise owners, sales consultants, consultants, independent agents, etc.), represent the parent company and are rewarded a commission relative to the volume of product sold through each of their independent businesses (organizations).

Independent distributors develop their organization by either building an active customer base, who buy direct from the parent company and / or by recruiting a down-line of independent distributors who also build a customer base, expanding the overall organization. Additionally, distributors can also earn a profit by retailing products, which they purchased from the parent company at wholesale price.

Distributors earn a commission based on the sales efforts of their organization, which includes their independent sale efforts as well as the leveraged sales efforts of their down-line. This arrangement is similar to franchise arrangements where royalties are paid from the sales of individual franchise operations to the franchisor as well as to an area or region manager. Commissions are then paid to multi-level marketing distributors according to the company’s compensation plan. There can be multiple levels of people receiving royalties from one person's sales.

One company that I will be focusing is a MLM company that I have seen a good opportunity for me to start my business that I have already decided to take path on for my future career and successful earning.

The company that I will concentrate on is ELKEN Sdn Bhd, a company that was set up in Malaysia and have gone globalised throughout ASIA.
Since 1995, ELKEN has been helping millions of people realise their dreams. They have established a network that spans the international arena and they manage their operations professionally in strict accordance with the world-class ISO: 9001 certification.
The extensive ELKEN network represents a mutually beneficial partnership of more than 300,000 enthusiastic independent distributors in seven countries, with more partners joining them every day. Significantly, the amazing ELKEN marketing plan enables a distributor to accrue wealth and health faster than any other.
Through ELKEN, I believe I will have unlimited opportunities to capture a market as big as the world of more than 1,352 million people. The ELKEN network is truly a proven avenue to the lifestyle that we all aspire.
Vision

"Enriching Lives Together"


The name ELKEN is synonymous with innovation, quality and aspiration. ELKEN's vision of a better tomorrow is driven by the aspiration of the distributors and the trust of millions of consumers around the world who use their products every day. They share our dream to live a fuller life. While sharing the rewards of ELKEN's innovative technological advances in health and beauty care, they also provide a rewarding global business opportunity for those who dare to follow their dreams.
As they move forward together with the distributors into the rough uncharted seas of the 21st century, ELKEN's vision is still firmly grounded in their belief that every person can take control of his or her life if he or she is given the right knowledge and opportunity. In addition, such freedom comes from true mental and spiritual growth.
At ELKEN, they believe in knowledge empowerment. Success in the ELKEN business requires the development of skills, and continuous self-improvement and commitment. In the mature market that they operate, more than 2,000 ISO-registered skill enhancement-training sessions and events are conducted every year to unleash the entrepreneurial spirit and full potential in the distributors, who come from diverse strata of society. Access to our training is limited only by the desire to grow. Besides economic independence, ELKEN is able to grant the distributors a sense of self-actualisation.
They also believe in fostering unity in work and life regardless of status, race and belief, thereby creating a truly Global ELKEN Community. Their belief is that unity among ELKENIENS will bring about immense development, growth and prosperity in the most harmonious manner. It has been repeatedly proven that only through team spirit unity we are able to unleash the power of duplication, from individual to individual, network to network and country-to-country, hence making ELKEN a truly global business opportunity for all.
Create the life of abundance, freedom and meaning you have been searching for through ELKEN. Because ELKEN is much more than just product and opportunity. It is a culture and a passion for life.

Mission

"To be a leading global direct-selling organization providing opportunities, quality products, services and knowledge"

Core Values:

Quality
They have high standards and they offer value to their customers by providing them with high quality products, extraordinary service at a fair price. They also define quality by evaluating the ingredients, freshness, safety, taste, nutritive value and appearance of all of the products we carry.
They promise to continually work to enhance the quality of the products and services that they offer through their unceasing commitment to improve the value proposition to our customers and to do it right the first time.
In their pursuit for excellence, they have a passion for continual quality improvement to create new value by aiming high, demonstrating a pioneering spirit, and consistently striving for greater achievements.
Integrity
Integrity is their hallmark of wholeness, personally and professionally. They earn their reputation by adhering to the highest ethical standards and conduct as they work consciously to uphold trustworthiness and business ethics to meet the needs of those we, the distributor, serve.
They place fairness, honesty, and objectivity at the forefront as they assess their own policies, practices, and behaviours to ensure that they make credible the actions taken to enhance quality improvement in both their brand value and promise to all their stakeholders.
Respect
At Elken, they are committed to a diverse workplace that respects and values all of the unique characteristics of their employees, stakeholders and the community they have their operation. They also recognize that diversity is an asset that improves working relationships and productivity.
Respect for each other and warmly embracing these differences is the basis of their collaborative success. They seek to discover the extraordinary in each other to enable them to attract and retain the highest calibre people to meet and surpass corporate goals.
They respect our environment and recycle, reuse, and reduce their waste wherever and whenever they can. Managing with respect is critical to their continued success and to their goal of Becoming the MLM of Choice in this industry.
Passion
Their unique Heart2Heart business philosophy distinguishes them to be the best above the rest. At Elken, they are passionate to provide their employees and stakeholders with high-quality experiences and innovative solutions. They also go to great lengths to satisfy and delight their customers.
With passion in each of their individual heart, they endeavour to serve their customers competently, efficiently and knowledgeably. Being passionate inspire them to constantly create new value for the organization's stakeholders and keep them focused on leading the organization to new dimensions of performance.
Their passion to do well is matched by their desire to do good. They believe the best way to achieve those parallel goals is to harmoniously align their business and global citizenship strategies. They celebrate success and see failures as opportunities for growth while always welcoming change as an opportunity for improvement.
The network
Today, ELKEN has established footholds in various regions at an unprecedented pace, and continues to do so as the rest of the world waits in keen anticipation for ELKEN's arrival. They have firmly established 19 offices in Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, Thailand, Brunei, Hong Kong and India.
ELKEN's network of distributors and stockists is rapidly expanding throughout the Asia Pacific region, forming a strong and efficient web enveloping the entire region.
R&D and Manufacturing
ELKEN’s success and international reputation can be attributed to its world-acclaimed products that reflect the time, effort and financial resources ELKEN has invested in developing them. Further, ELKEN is constantly upgrading and expanding its range of products with the aim of continually improving the lives of consumers.
So committed is ELKEN to product quality that it took a bold step in 1998 to establish Narisia Sdn. Bhd. to manufacture its own Reverse Osmosis technology water treatment system to assure the desired standard of quality. Their system, the Bio Pure R.O. Water Purification System, is a Malaysian initiative using component parts produced by the world’s leading manufacturers – a strategic, synergistic move that has proven to work successfully in the quest for the best quality pure water.
They added another feather to their cap in 2001 with the establishment of their own manufacturing plant, Elepac Sdn Bhd, which compliance to the well-recognised Good Manufacturing Practice (GMP) standard have been granted a manufacturing license by the National Pharmaceutical Council Bureau (BPFK) to be a Traditional Medicines and Over The Counter (OTC) manufacturing site.
Year 2002 marks remarkable milestones as they officially became a member of the American Nutraceutical Association (ANA), received HALAL Certification by Jabatan Kemajuan Islam Malaysia (JAKIM), and were awarded the ISO9001:2000 Certification by TUV-Pfalz Certification Body.
Through their commitment to continual excellence through compliance to international standards, they aim to share the same values and objectives with their members, to whom proven efficacy and safety of health food and dietary supplements are of the highest priority.
These are the certification they have till today:

Milestones of Success
Since commencing business in 1995, ELKEN has chalked up an enviable record of milestones in corporate growth, expansion, manufacturing, research and development, product excellence, people development and distributor success, to name a few aspects. With the support of their loyal customers, distributors, staff and business associates, they are confident of achieving further milestones, not only in the ELKEN business arena, but also in reaching out to people and for the people whose lives have been touched by ELKEN in one way or another.
Some of their significant ELKEN milestones are as follows:
v 1995
Ø Establishment of ELKEN Sdn. Bhd.
v 1997
Ø Earned top ten status among Malaysian Direct Selling Companies, as reported in “Today” magazine
v 1998
Ø Establishment of Narisia Sdn Bhd, a manufacturing arm for production of state-of-the-art Reverse Osmosis (R.O.)
Ø Became the First Direct Selling Company in Malaysia to be accredited ISO 9002 certification
Ø Achieved monthly sales turnover of RM10 million
v 1999
Ø Establishment of ELKEN Indonesia
v 2000
Ø Acquired property for Head Office measuring over 100,000 sq.ft
Ø Establishment of ELKEN Thailand
Ø Establishment of ELKEN Medan
v 2001
Ø Established a GMP Factory
v 2002
Ø Established of ELKEN Hong Kong
Ø Established of ELKEN Hatyai
Ø Established of ELKEN Brunei
Ø Established of ELKEN’s first retail outlet EK One
v 2003
Ø Established of ELKEN India
Ø Top 5 best People Developers
Ø Upgraded ISO9002 to ISO 9001
Ø Listed in Malaysia Book of Records
Ø International Honesty Enterprise Keris Award
Ø Outstanding Entrepreneur Award
v 2004
Ø Honoured as “Largest Blood Donor (Private Sector)”
Ø Asia Pacific e-Entrepreneur Award
Ø 5S Practices Certification
v 2005
Ø Largest Blood Donor in the Private Sector
Ø Re-certification of ISO
Ø Establishment of ELKEN Kuantan
Ø Elken 10th Anniversary
Company’s view in terms of Quality

ELKEN stands for Quality. As a reputable organisation, they are committed to Quality in everything they do and offer their customers, from extraordinary products to exemplary service. Their commitment to Quality goes beyond word-of-mouth advertising. It is backed by the seal of approval and recognition from international authorisation and certification authorities.
As the first Direct Selling Company in Malaysia to be accredited ISO 9002 certification in 1998, ELKEN was also the first to upgrade its system to ISO 9001 in 2003. ELKEN is proud to operate in strict compliance with ISO 9001 standards.
They believe in and practise good Business Governance. ELKEN is proud to be a responsible corporate member of the direct selling industry, and abides by the relevant government regulations and associations' Codes of Conduct governing members' operations and conduct. ELKEN is an active member of the Direct Selling Association of Malaysia (DSAM), the Direct Selling Association of Singapore (DSAS) and the CTFA (Cosmetic Toiletries of Fragrance Association).
Quality in Products

Product quality is one of the competitive edges to ELKEN. Many of ELKEN's products have been conferred prestigious awards by quasi-government bodies and associations; certified by international accreditation organizations; and clinically proven by reputable institutions, some of which are laid out below:
Quality in Service

Their aim at Elken is not to provide a one-time sale but to develop a long-term relationship with customers, to the extent that they become more a partner than a customer. Their customers decide the growth and success of their organisation. This is why they are committed to a Total Customer Satisfaction (TCS) approach.
They want to satisfy customers not just by providing quality products but also quality services. With this in mind, they offer not only occasional gifts, personalised service but also speedy delivery services and an efficient Customer Service Department. In order to understand customers’ needs, they also conduct surveys to constantly improve and meet customer expectations.
In fact, they have established EK One retail outlet, a one-stop shopping centre at their branches. Decked with the latest selections of our products, customers may shop conveniently with product information written in prints or their outlet personnel ready by their side to assist them.
Customers who want to try their beauty products or have a makeover can enjoy an exclusive experience at Elken Beauty Gallery. The spacious Beauty Gallery is furnished with posh sofas, amenities and fitting rooms.
The relationship with customers does not end after a product is sold or the warranty period has expired. They have established a company, Elken Services Sdn Bhd, formerly known as Narisia Sales and Service, to concentrate on attending after-sales services to their customers. Elken services not only installs and repairs R.O. Purification System, but also takes care of the maintenance of the R.O. Purification System that customer bought. Elken Services has a team of dedicated personnel who had have gone through a special training programmed, namely the K-Tech program.
Distributors can log on to ELKEN On-line any time anywhere to check sales volume. The latest updates are just one click away. In addition, ELKEN SMS service will update distributors on their sales volume top-up. The SMS is a crucial assistant to the busy distributor who is always running on tight schedule.
ELKEN’s impeccable customer support facilities are also available for the convenience of their distributors. They offer an exclusive discussion area, tastefully furnished lounge, a training hall and meeting rooms for distributors to conduct recruiting and group discussions. In addition, ELKEN has established an extensive network of branches and stockist centres that provides wide coverage to ensure convenient accessibility to products.
In respect of achieving TCS, They have gone a step further by advocating a World Class Service standard. They assure an extensive and similar standard of service across all cultures, regardless of national boundaries.
All this is because they want everyone to be proud for choosing ELKEN.
Community Outreach
Ethical and professional business comes with responsibility, and ELKEN is proud to assume its role as a corporate citizen. They aim to help make the world a brighter place for their customers and distributors, their employees, and the communities they operate in. They practise a win-win relationship, and they acknowledge they ultimate success is dependent on the well-being of all groups of people that they interact with. This belief is reflected in the number of charitable activities that ELKEN has undertaken a responsibility they take seriously and which they have chosen to undertake annually.
List of Companies I have joined before I knew ELKEN:
1) Luxor Pte. Ltd.
2) Amway
3) 4Life
4) Sunshine Empire
5) CNI
6) Avon
7) Pharmanex
8) Nu Skin
These companies have of about the same products of needs and benefits with different technologies and variety of choices with more recognised products in the market. Some of the companies stated also have more products than ELKEN and to a certain extent; their products have more variety and benefits.
Like for example, Luxor, they use sea cucumber, or its scientific term is Stichopus horrens, which is believed to have magical healing powers and wide usage by people for centuries. In addition, they have their own sea cucumber farm that not only produce the sea cucumber water but also preserve and breed the sea cucumber with the help of graduates from Malaya University of Technology. And 4Life Company have products that use early fermented cow milk that has high nutrients that can help to heal and revitalise your skin naturally.
However, throughout all my life in the MLM industry, the quality, the opportunity and the benefits that my family and I have received from ELKEN has overcome all the under-satisfaction that we have faced with other company.
Furthermore, I also believe that with the system and technology that ELKEN has will not only improve my financial possibilities but also will help to improve my life physically, internally and externally.

my cousin is coming back to singapore

oh my god!!! today, my cousin will be ariving to singapore..... welll my family tot of picking him up but too bad... no one is there to pick him coz we are all working and schooling... hahaha.... well, i will be hating him for the next three weeks.... coz he will be staying in my room and i will have to bunk in to my sis room again.... haish.... so bad.... aiyoh.... there goes my teddys and pillows.. ah!!!!!!


i actually like him when we were young....
but all gone.....

some things i have....

this photos i took when i spent the whole day with daniel at pahlawan beach... well he does not like to take photos... so i cam whore myself..... hahahaha..... welll i love my self......

some of the photos i tookin my toilet after 6 months not taking it... well i have deleted the photos i took in the toilet 6 months ago coz i actually had to reformat my lappie due to a virus.... huhu... well the different between the phots now and then are: i have grown fatter, my hair is longer... it does not look ike a helmet anymore... and most and for all.... my pimples are lesser!!!!! yeah!!!! i have been having outbreaks that make me look like a monstor.... well atleast i like myself now..... oh yeah... the photos i took 6 months ago was taken at Ilham's bathroom... and now.... well it was taken from my parents' bathroom.... two different places...

this is a funny one... its so not english lah!!!!!!

this my favorite... hairspray last part......

well.... i still have not gotten the photos from the young gems events.. welll you can get more photos of me at.... http://jojoparadise.multiply.com/ .... my multiply blog..... more photos and blog entries i think.... hahaha.....

thamrin... is this for real????

i meet this new guy during a trip to kelantan last week... his name is thamrin... indonesian, 31 aand single. he is a student in UM doing a engineering degree there... he is a nice person... a good companian ever since.... we always chat with each other every night....

this is his photo....

is this for real????

why do these guys keep coming but never stay???

will he the realy one for me????

could it get any worse...

people say sorrow could bring disaster to you... maybe it is true....
because ever since i had lost azahar, my health had been at worsening states that i myself could not explain and control...
until now...
it gets harder for me to smile in my heart....
truly smile with the warmth of happiness and comfort...

people always see me smile but they did not know...

that my heart bleds in agony...
in pain....
in shame....

my mother once asked...
why did i have to lie to myself???
why am i such a hypocrite???
why do i always make things difficult for myself???
why am i always a burden to others????

and she once said to me....
i am always a liar...
i am a burden to her...
she wished i was never born....
she wished i am never was her daughter...

and my dad....
i am a disgrace to the family...
i monster....
i jinx....










why cant others understand me????
why cat they let me rest in peace???
why do they have to make my life so hard to survive???




jasmine???
she is a friend...
always there when i need her...
but there are times she could help me...


daniel???
i dont know...
he used to be my best friend...
but now???
he dont even care!!!
he got new friends!!!
he have no time for me!!!

azahar???
he left me didnt he???
for good they say....

joseph???
gone too...
never heard from him again...

suhaimi...
a very nice guy...
but he had chosen his own way....
he dont like me...
dont wish to fulfil omah's wish...
said it was rubbish...
there is no need for a union to make the family together again...



so...

i am all alone....

again...

always....

forever...

Nico Claux

lurking in the graveyards


On Nov. 15, 1994, officers of the Parisian "Brigade Criminelle" arrested 22-year-old Nicolas Claux outside the world famous cabaret Moulin Rouge on suspicion of the murder of Thierry Bissonnier, 34. Bissonnier's October 4 killing was one of a string of homosexual murders, seven of which occurred in October alone. The murder squad's preliminary investigator, Gilbert Thiel, believed that a single killer was responsible and was eager to get Claux back to headquarters for questioning. Claux says that Thiel, veteran of several high-profile cases, was not prepared for the web of murder, cannibalism, and sadistic acts that he had woven in his short lifetime.

The following account includes several narrations by Mr. Claux to provide a better window on a killer's life and crimes. Some of Claux's commentaries, delivered in writing, have been edited, polished, and arranged for a more narrative flow.

Claux: "Following my arrest I was taken back to the Parisian Crime Department for questioning. Unbeknownst to me, crime scene investigators were already in the process of exercising a search warrant on my apartment at 9 Rue Coustou. Inside they found a .22-caliber handgun under my bed, which they immediately sent off for ballistics tests. While they were probably not surprised to have found the pistol, they were almost certainly not prepared for the grisly scene that welcomed them.

"Throughout my apartment, bone fragments and human teeth were scattered about like loose change; vertebras and leg bones hung from the ceiling like morbid mobiles, and hundreds of videocassettes, mostly slasher and hardcore S&M flicks, filled my shelves. One can only imagine what went through the minds of the investigators as they looked around my living quarters. On one wall hung a bullet-riddled target, while across the room sat a TV set with jars of human ashes resting on top of it. Several bondage magazines were piled in a far corner, and nearby my backpack was found, which contained handcuffs, surgical instruments and duct tape. In addition to my tastes and choice of décor, investigators also discovered several stolen blood bags inside of my refrigerator."

WHY???

It did not take long for the ballistic test results to come back, and when confronted with the evidence that the tests were positive, Nico confessed to Bissonnier's murder. Claux claimed that while investigators were happy to have solved a brutal crime, they were understandably concerned with all of the human bones scattered throughout his apartment, and the blood bags, which filled his refrigerator.

Claux: "With little hesitation on my part, I informed them that I had been robbing the graves of several Parisian gothic graveyards and mutilating the mummified remains. When asked the reason why I was storing stolen blood bags inside my refrigerator, I simply answered that I drank the blood on a regular basis. Working as a mortuary assistant for 10 months, I had been using my position as a means to fulfill a lifelong fantasy of mine revolving around cannibalism. When left alone to stitch the bodies after the autopsies, I would cut strips of meat from the ribs and eat them. On some occasions, I would bring pieces of flesh back to my place, where I would cook and eat those pieces as well."

Nico Claux mug shot (Courtesy of Nico Claux)

Upon hearing his confessions, Claux claimed investigators asked, "WHY? Why did you kill? Why did you eat flesh and drink blood? And why did you dig up corpses?" As simple as those questions may seem, the answers were not readily found. Perhaps some clues exist in Nico's past.

Early Obsessions

Nicolas Claux was born on March 22, 1972 in the African nation of Cameroon. Nico's father was a French citizen who worked in a bank and was often sent with his family to foreign countries for long periods of time. While Nico was too young to remember his early years in Cameroon, he does recall the family moving to London around the age of five, and then off to the southern most part of Paris when he was seven, where they remained until he was 12.

Yaounde, Cameroon

Claux: "My childhood was basically normal, except that I was very withdrawn and only had a few friends. I was a lonely child, lacking brothers and sisters to play with, so I spent most of my time alone in my room.

"While my parents were very kind and gave me everything that I needed, I never really felt a strong bond between us. They never hugged me or kissed me, they just let me be on my own most of the time. Eventually I grew emotionally cold. I had difficulties feeling empathy for other people, just indifference most of the time.

"This is the time when I also developed a fascination for death and the occult. I would spend hours reading books on vampires and werewolves. A photo of the statue of the Sumerian demon Pazuzu especially fascinated me. I found it in a book my parents had bought in England. For me, it symbolized something extremely ancient and powerful -- something that I respected. A few years later, I saw the same statue used in the movie Exorcist, and my interest in the occult grew stronger."

Fascination with Death

When Nico was 10, his grandfather died as a result of a cerebral embolism. The two had been arguing at the time and Nico always felt that his family blamed him for the untimely death. This was a very critical moment in his life; one that he claims made him become literally obsessed with physical death. From then on he says that he was fascinated with burial rites, wakes, and the atmosphere of morgues.

At the age of 12, Nico and his parents moved to Lisbon, Portugal, where they remained for four years. While the setting may have changed, Nico's obsessions remained the same. None of his fellow classmates shared his interests and he was once again without friends. His feelings of loneliness became more intense, and he began to feel an utter hatred for everyone around him.

Claux: "When I was 16, we moved back to Paris, where I lived alone with my father. As far back as I can remember I have been obsessed by graveyards. Before long I knew every single cemetery in Paris like the back of my hand. Between 1990 and 1993, I spent the majority of my free time in graveyards. As a botanist studies plants and flowers, I would examine rusty locks and evaluate the weight of cement lids. My favorite things were mausoleums. The most impressive ones can be found at Pere-Lachaise, Montmartre, or Passy cemeteries. I would peek through their windows to see the inside. Some were decorated with furniture, paintings, or statues. It was not long before I began working on a plan to get a much closer view."

Eventually Nico crafted his own lock-picking tools, his favorite being an L-shaped key. If a lock on one of the mausoleums was too rusty to pick, he would use a crowbar, or enter through a window. Once inside, he says he "felt like an emperor reigning in Hell." The place would become his kingdom. Often times he said he would enter a mausoleum during the day, only to resurface at night, when the gates were closed, and he could continue his activities without fear of being discovered.`

Exploring His Kingdom

Père Lachaise cemetery, robbed by Nico Claux

Nico Claux said that over time, simply lurking in graveyards and breaking into mausoleums was not enough to satisfy his desires. His fantasies became sadistic blueprints — tools for fulfilling his new cravings. Whether this change began at this point or years earlier is a matter of speculation, but it is clear that he believed that he had stepped up to an entirely new level.

Within this chapter, the subsequent narrations have been translated from one of many statements that Nico said that he eventually gave to Parisian authorities while in custody.

"I woke up one day feeling this sinister urge to dig up a corpse and mutilate it. I gathered a small crowbar, a pair of pliers, a screwdriver, black candles and a pair of surgical gloves in a backpack. Then I took the subway until the Trocadero station. It was nearly noon. The gates of the Passy Cemetery were wide open, but nobody was inside. The undertakers were out for lunch.

"Passy is a small Gothic graveyard with plenty of huge mausoleums, which were built during the 19th century. It is located right between two large avenues, so it is impossible to climb inside at night. But anyway, nobody could ever imagine that there was someone robbing graves at noon.

"I had this special grave in mind. It was a small mausoleum, the burial site of a family of Russian immigrants from the 1917 revolution. I had already pried open the iron door a few days before, and I had closed it afterwards so it would seem that nobody had ever touched it. All I had to do was kick it open ... At this point, my mind was in total chaos. I had flashes of death in my head. I took a deep breath, and I climbed down the steps leading to the crypt.

"It was a rather small one, with damp walls, buried deep inside the cemetery ground. There was no other source of light than the candles I had brought. To begin, for more than an hour, I removed one of the heavy coffins from its stone casing. It was especially hard not to let the coffin fall all of sudden to the ground, but somehow I managed to slowly lay it down without making too much noise. However, one edge of the coffin scratched my lower leg when it touched the ground. But that didn't stop me at all.

Mausoleum robbed by Nico Claux

"I examined the casket for a while. It was solid oak and sealed with big screws. It looked like brand new, so I expected to find a recently deceased corpse. First, I unscrewed the coffin, which took me less than 10 minutes. Then I pried it open with the crowbar. Once opened, a horrible stench of putrefaction came out of the box. It smelled like Thanatyl, the product embalmers use on a corpse in order to delay the process of decay.

"Then I saw the body inside. It was a half rotten old woman, shrouded in a white sheet, covered with brown stains. Her face seemed to be smeared with oil, but it was simply the death fluids oozing from her skin. The stench was so intense that I nearly fainted. I tried to lift one side of the sheet, but it was glued to her petrified skin. The teeth were protruding from the mouth, but her eyes were gone. I stared into the empty eye sockets, and all of a sudden something broke into my mind. I felt like I was falling into a whirlwind.

"That's when I picked up a screwdriver. The corpse inside the coffin started to move slightly, like if it had guessed what would happen next. So I began to stab the belly, the rib area and the shoulders. I stabbed her at least 50 times. I really can't remember. All I can remember is that when I woke up my forearms were covered with corpse slime."

After violating his first grave, Nico said that he spent the much of his free time searching the cemetery for new graves to desecrate. This is a pattern he said would continue up until the time of his arrest.

A New Career

At 20, Nico joined the military, where he was trained as a gunsmith, cleaning and repaired weapons. But he soon found this lifestyle boring. His only satisfaction came from fantasizing about murder. After serving just a year, Nico moved on and said that he began to consider a career as a mortician.

Claux: "In 1993, the one and only local school for embalming declined my application, so I began working at Saint Vincent-de-Paul Hospital in Paris, a hospital for children. This was the only way I could really do what I wanted for a living and I also found out that it was the best way to be in contact with corpses. I was given the job of a morgue attendant and my first contact with a corpse there was when I assisted the autopsy of a 10-year-old girl. The other attendant showed me how to stitch up her belly, and that was the first time I ever got to touch a fresh corpse. I was amazed by how red and clean her organs were."

Nico did not stay at Saint Vincent-de-Paul for long, and in December 1993, he took a position as a morgue attendant and stretcher-bearer at Saint Joseph Hospital, which is also in Paris. His duties involved helping with autopsies, cleaning up the morgue slabs, and prepping the bodies for wakes. A small chapel was located up the stairs where bereaved relatives could later view the bodies of their loved ones.

St. Joseph Hospital, where Nico Claux worked (Courtesy of Nico Claux)

Fantasy Becomes Reality

Claux: "Most of the autopsies were done by us, the morgue attendants. We would do the Y-shaped incision, cut the ribs at the joints, and open the skull with an electric saw. The pathologist only dissected the organs and put them in a box.

"I would be left alone with the body after the autopsy to do the stitches, which were my specialty. This is when I began eating strips of muscles from the bodies. I always checked out their medical files first. I talked with a butcher once who told me that meat is better three or four days after death. This was something I had always dreamed of doing, and it was the opportunity to do it on a regular basis.

"Sometimes I brought select meats home with me to be cooked, but my preference was to eat them raw. It tasted like tartar steak, or carpaccio. The big muscles of the thighs and back were good, but there was no good meat in the breasts, only fats. People often ask me what went through my mind the first time I indulged my cannibalistic fantasy. Well, to be honest, I said to myself: 'Wow! Now I'm a cannibal. Cool!'"

St. Joseph Hospital morgue (Courtesy of Nico Claux)

Nico's other job at Saint Joseph Hospital involved working in the digestive surgery unit. One of his duties involved delivering the blood bags from the hospital's blood bank to the surgery room. He claimed that it did not take long for him to notice that it was not unusual for bags to be left over and eventually he devised a scheme in which he would rip the sticker off of the unused bag, making it appear to have been opened, and then hide it in his locker.

At the end of his shift, he said that he would transfer the bag to his backpack, take it home, and begin cooling it in his fridge. Once the desired temperature was reached, he would mix the blood with powder proteins, or human ashes, and then drink it. Since there was no plasma within the bags, the blood was extremely thin, which was why he chose to thicken it up.

Inside St. Joseph morgue (Courtesy of Nico Claux)

Fatal Twist

On the morning of Oct. 4, 1994, Nicolas Claux said that he decided it was time to turn another one of his fantasies into reality. This fantasy was a special one to Nico, one that would, in his mind, put him on a far greater level than petty grave robbing and corpse mutilations. He had been waiting for just the right time, and he was finally ready to cross the line, an irreversible step that can change a man forever.

Nico Claux, holding skull in the catacombs (Courtesy of Nico Claux)

Nico spent his morning searching for a victim, any victim -- nothing mattered, not age, race, or sex, he said. He was looking for death, nothing more, and nothing less. By the early afternoon, Nico decided to try his luck on Minitel (an early version of the Internet) and soon began chatting with a man named Thierry about bondage and S&M. After a while the two decided to get together and the man gave Nico the address to his home. Little did Thierry know, sex was the last thing on Nico Claux's mind.

Claux: "Back then it was a common practice in the gay community to meet on Minitel. They would establish contact through this means since it was quick and easy for them. I found out that it was an easy way for me to kill them without any witnesses, plus I had the guarantee of remaining anonymous, since there was no possibility of tracing back the discussions on Minitel.

"So I agreed on meeting Thierry around noon. With me I carried a single shot 22-caliber handgun, which I hid under my jacket. When I arrived at his place, a one-room apartment under the roof of an old building, I knocked on the door and gave him the fake first name that I had given him on Minitel. He opened the door, I stepped inside, quickly turned around while he was closing the door and pulled out the gun.

"I looked at his face just as he turned his head towards me and saw the gun pointed at his eye. After a few awkward moments passed, I pulled the trigger. He instantly fell face down without a word. It was really eerie. It all happened like in slow motion. Then I watched him bleed on the carpet. Soon I decided to see what the apartment was like and wandered around a bit.

"When I returned to where he was lying I observed that he was still moving and making horrible breathing noises on the floor, like if he was breathing through a straw. I reloaded the gun and shot again, this time striking him in the back of the head. I reloaded and fired a few more times, but he was still alive and making noise. I was surprised that he was still holding on, I had expected the first shot to kill him.

"After a few minutes, I went into his kitchen and found some cookies to eat and then sat in a corner of the room and watched him as I ate. When I was finished, I decided to get out of there quickly, so I shot him one last time in the back. I also lifted a huge plant container and smashed it on his head, crushing it some. I then wiped down my fingerprints; picked up his checkbook; a credit card and a wallet (with ID papers); his driving license; an alarm clock, and an answering machine, and finally left the scene."

nvestigation

Thierry Bissonnier's body remained on the floor of his apartment for three days, until his parents, distraught at not being able to get in touch with him, went to his apartment and discovered the grisly scene. Reports on the life Thierry led are rather sketchy. Claux claims that ittle was said in the press following the discovery of Bissonier's body, and during Claux's subsequent trial a "black out" was placed on the press, meaning that no members of the media or public were allowed inside the courtroom.

Claux believes that the family of the victim did not want the life of their relative to be exposed in public, and that there was elements in that case that were too "sensitive" for the general public. Regardless, it is known that the 34-year-old victim was a restaurateur and part-time classical musician, involved in a steady relationship with an older man.

Sketch: Gilbert Thiel, lead investigator (Courtesy of Nico Claux)

One of the first investigators to arrive at the scene was Brigade Criminelle Investigator Gilbert Thiel. As shocking as the murder appeared, it was nothing new to Thiel. The victim was one of many homosexuals murdered every year in Paris, and that month alone there had already been seven others in almost identical circumstances. According to Agence France-Presse, homosexual murders represent about a third of all murders in the Paris. The victims usually have the same profile and similar habits, including a liberal view on sexuality, which incorporates risks as a part of the ultimate pleasure. During the early 1990s, the majority of these encounters started with messages on Minitel.

According to Thierry Bissonnier's autopsy report, the first bullet had entered the eyeball and stopped just short of the brain. The following rounds crushed against the skull, except one, which slightly penetrated the brain. The final shot entered through Bissonnier's back and pierced his heart, causing almost immediate death. Only two questions remained for investigators: who and why?

Captured

Nico Claux might have gotten away with Thierry Bissonnier's murder had he not made a very crucial mistake. In mid-October, Claux attempted to forge one of Bissonnier's bank checks to buy a VCR. When asked for identification, Claux presented the shop clerk with Bissonnier's driver's license, which he had attempted to forge by inserting his own picture. But the scam was quickly noticed when the clerk compared the signatures. Nico Claux took off before the police arrived. Thus the search began.

Claux: "On Nov. 15, 1994, I was arrested in front of the Moulin Rouge cabaret following an altercation with a woman. The police had recognized me from the photograph on Bissonnier's forged driving license and while under custody I confessed to the murder when I was shown the ballistic evidence. Further investigation showed I had been robbing the graves of several Parisian gothic graveyards, stealing the bones, and mutilating the mummified remains. When asked the reason why I was storing stolen blood bags inside my refrigerator, I simply answered that I drank it on a regular basis. I also confessed to being on a very special diet and went on to describe my mortuary job and the cannibalism.

"The murder investigation itself was centered on the motive, and whether or not there was premeditation. Why did I begin to kill? At first, I claimed that the motive was robbery. But the coldly calculated modus operandi I used, as well as the unnecessary overkill, and the careful removal of fingerprints, proved that something far more sinister was involved, thus indicating a clearly senseless, yet premeditated, murder. With the victim being homosexual, investigators at first wondered if there was a sexual component to the case. But there was none. It simply turned out that I was just looking for death. I was soon sent to Fleury-Merogis, a jail south of Paris. Fleury is a remand center, a place where convicts are locked up before their trial. The problem is that you can wait up to three or four years in France before going to court. Then you have to wait one more year until they find you a room in a prison."

Diminished Responsibility

For the next two years, Claux says a court-ordered team of specialized psychiatrists and psychologists examined him. Dozens of tests were made, which in the end, he says, revealed a borderline psychotic personality disorder. In addition, Claux says that the experts also diagnosed him as suffering from necrophilia and sexual sadism. However, they did not detect any psychic or neuropsychic disorders, which could have interfered with his discernment or control of his actions.

Claux: "At one point, Thiel asked for a reconstruction of the murder. I was led to the victim's apartment, where I showed my version of the events. I said that I accidentally fired the first shot, and continued shooting until the victim died. I stuck to this version until the trial.

"The first motive I gave him was robbery, but when I realized that I could benefit from a diminished responsibility plea, I told him that I had an argument with a homosexual in a section of Père Lachaise Cemetery on the morning before the murder, over the fact that it was my territory, and not theirs. So, according to that version, I decided to contact a gay on the Minitel to "scare" him and get my revenge."

Claux claims that explanation pleased the psychiatrists, and they granted him diminished responsibility under Rule 242 alinéa B of the penal code. However, the documents in the case do not confirm this. In December, 1996 Gilbert Thiel closed the preliminary investigation when he decided that there was enough evidence for a trial.

It is interesting to note that in the middle of the preliminary investigation, which lasted nearly two years, Thiel was promoted to the Anti-Terrorist Squad, following the 1995 series of attacks in Paris by Islamic terrorists. While he was no longer required to work on the case, Thiel chose to stay on, and all remaining interrogations took place in his office, the Anti-Terrorist Squad headquarters, at 36, Quai des Orfèvres. Perhaps it was because he believed that Claux was responsible for other similar murders and did not want to lose the opportunity to gather additional evidence.

The Prosecution

Claux's sketch of Judge W. Waechter (Courtesy of Nico Claux)

Nico Claux's trial began on May 9, 1997, at the Cour d'Assises de Paris. The nine-member jury had already been chosen by presiding Judge W. Waechter. Claux's defense lawyer, Irène Terrel, entered a plea of not guilty. The prosecution's opening move was to shock the jury with grisly photographs of the crime scene and of Claux's apartment.

Palais, Courthouse (Courtesy of Nico Claux)

Claux: "The purpose of the photos was to make a parallel between the murder, and the environment where I lived -- the old 'Does fiction influence reality' debate?"

The prosecution charged that Nico had voluntarily killed Bissonnier, and they felt that he had acknowledged that it was premeditated. Following this, they presented the jury with a list of crimes Claux had committed during the act; theft of a check book; credit card; wallet; driving license; alarm clock, and an answering machine. Prosecutors implied that the items were stolen prior to the murder. The prosecution then pointed out the use of the forged license, and the forged check, which included the falsifying of Bissonnier's signature. While all of the above was damning in its own right, the case took a sudden turn when the prosecution attempted to establish that Bissonnier's murder was in fact one in a series, which had taken place in Paris during 1994.

Judgment

Claux: "The prosecution called me a 'death addict' and a 'real-life vampire'. Their theory was that I was a copycat of serial killer Rémy R. ('Le tueur du Minitel Rose'). The main testimony in their 'serial murders' theory came from two of the leading investigators on my case. One of them, Inspector Garcin, testified that even though there was no solid evidence against me, I fitted the psychological profile of a serial murderer. His other claim was that witnesses in bars where other murder victims hung out had previously spotted me there."

Regardless of the prosecution's "serial killer theory," there was simply not enough physical evidence to back it up. Thereafter, the arguments revolved around the murder of Thierry Bissonier. Claux says that several of the experts who had interviewed him over the years took the stand and a long debate began as a variety of diagnoses were presented.

Claux: "Psychosis was established, mostly because of acts of cannibalism that I was accused of having practiced in the morgue where I worked, and acts of mutilation of dead bodies that I had done during grave robberies. Those acts alone were, according to psychiatrists, proof of a total loss of reality. This was completed by the results of the Rorschach tests, which showed an 'inner void' typical of schizophrenia. For them, I could benefit from Rule 242, concerning diminished responsibility, because my medical condition reduced my capacity to control my impulses."

Jurors deliberated for just three hours. Nicolas Claux was found guilty of premeditated murder, armed robbery, fraudulent use of a bank check, falsification of his drivers license photo, and an attempt to defraud the retailer of the video camera. He was then sentenced to 12 years in prison.

Contrary to Claux's version of events, he was never convicted of grave robbery or the theft of bags containing blood.

Nico in Prison

Nico Claux's early prison years were spent in Fleury-Merogis, just south of Paris, where he remained for four years and two months until February 1999, when he was transferred to Maison Centrale Poissy, about 15 miles northwest of Paris. In all, there are six "Maison Centrales" in France, each holding at least 200 inmates. Considered maximum security, Poissy has a reputation among inmates as being the place where they lock up serial killers and terrorists. During his stay there, Claux says that he shared his block with at least six serial killers.

Poissy prison with Claux in exercise yard (Courtesy of Nico Claux)

Claux: "For two years I studied computer programming at the state's expense, but in reality, I spent more time in the gym, paint room and recreation yard than I did in the class rooms. I had started painting in 1997, and soon learned that I had a natural talent. I was also part of the prison's video team, where I learned filming and editing with DV camcorders. We would film concerts, football games, and boxing fights."

When asked by Angry Thoreauan Magazine (yes, there really is a publication by that name) about the emotional experience of eating human flesh, Nico stated that, "It feels like touching the face of God. It makes you feel like you don't belong to the human race anymore."

In an interview with the Great Falls (Mont.) Tribune , Clancy McKenzie, a professor of psychology at Capital University in Washington, D.C., stated that cannibalism is a psychotic behavior, which is almost always related to a previous trauma, often in infancy. McKenzie maintained that during the second half-year of life, when children are weaned from the breast, they fantasize about devouring their mother. In later years, some sort of trauma, especially if suffered at a critical young age, may trigger the regression to this stage of development. When such individuals are eventually arrested, and on rare occasions eventually returned to society, with all its "emotional expression," it makes them all the more likely to repeat the problem behavior. "I shudder when they let people out of institutions and send them back home," McKenzie said.

Dr. Park Dietz, a national expert on criminal psychosis who testified at the Jeffrey Dahmer trial, has a different theory. He said that one should not look too closely at early childhood, as millions of people who suffer childhood trauma never become psychotic criminals. "Another motivation could be a desire to take a life of crime to an ultimate level. Cannibalism is beyond the pale -- the last frontier of being a bad boy," Dietz said.

Nico Claux Hoax?

After serving just seven years and four months of a 12-year sentence, Nicolas Claux was released from prison on March 22, 2002.

Nico Claux after his release (Courtesy of Nico Claux)

What to make of this story?

I'm having some trouble harmonizing Nico's stated bizarre behavior with his coldly rational intellect. Immersing oneself in the putrefying remains of a corpse and eating the flesh of a dead person are at odds with that intellect, which would, at a minimum, be able to appreciate the incredible threat to one's health if that behavior really occurred. Frankly, I'm tempted to view these sensational accounts as either hallucinations or outright fabrications.

The only thing we know for sure was that Nico Claux robbed and killed a man in cold blood and then tried to use one of his victim's checks to buy a video camera. In the actual documents of the case that there is no mention of any grave robbing, necrophilia, vampirism or cannibalism, nor does there appear to be anything in the French media about Claux being anything but a thief and a murderer. One would expect that the French press would have a heyday with the case had there been any real evidence of the perversions that Nico Claux claimed.

Shortly after release from prison, Claux used his prison training in computer programming to create a web site to promote his drawings and painting of famous killers. His stories of grave robbing, cannibalism, etc. got him booked on talk shows, which further boosted his macabre celebrity status.

There is reason to believe that Claux's public image is undergoing some serious re-engineering from the scary portrait of Nico that his own words created in earlier chapters of this feature story. For example, clearly stated on his web site:

"This website is my only official website. The other unnofficial sites you might find online focus on a past that I am now a long way away from. I have worked hard to improve myself through the development of artistic abilities. I cannot erase the past, but my goal is to channel the negativity that I have caused into pure creativity. I do not endorse any other sites than this one. I do not profit from my past, and I do not encourage other people into doing the things that I have done. The spiritual and social prices to pay are far too high."

He says that he will not practice cannibalism again -- which is certainly a plus.

For a period of time, Nico lived in Sweden and England, but he returned to Paris in September, 2004 and lives with his girlfriend in an apartment there. .

Looking at his recent photos from his web site, it appears as though he has settled into a lifestyle that is a kind of campy Goth, filled with artwork and photography about serial killers and the occult. The overriding theme is that he does not appear to be a loner anymore. He has many friends, albeit unusual-looking ones, but friends nevertheless. In reading what Claux says about his childhood lonliness and the inability of his parents to physically demonstrate affection, it appears as though that emotional vacuum has been filled with a number of friends and many acquaintances made through his web site and Internet groups.

He has decorated his body extensively with tatoos and attends fetish, Goth and tattoo conventions.

His celebrity status as the "Vampire of Paris," while it has its downsides as a resume item for conventional positions, provides him opportunities for television and magazine interviews which allows him to travel around Europe and sell his artwork.

He's clearly an intelligent man. I wonder what the next step in his evolution will be -- after he gets bored with his current goth lifestyle. There's no future it being an aging vampire.

Photo Gallery

Courtesy of Nico Claux">

Outside the world famous cabaret, Le Moulin Rouge. Claux was arrested by police here after he attempted to use a victim's check with a forged driver's license.

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Courtesy of Nico Claux">

Number 9, Rue Coustou. This was Nico's apartment at the time of his arrest. Upon a warrant search by investigators, the apartment showed many items that shocked them, and helped close several unsolved cases.

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Courtesy of Nico Claux">

Nicolas Claux, upon his arrest. He was held for questioning in the murder of 34-year-old Thierry Bissionnier, while police searched his apartment and revealed far more evidence than they wanted.

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Jean-Danial Niat">

Part of the cityscape of Yaounde, Cameroon. Nico's father worked for a bank, and was sent to foreign countries along with his family, and Nico was born here.

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Courtesy of Nico Claux">

Perelachaise cemetery, one of Claux haunts. Sometimes he would go in broad daylight, with his set of grave-robbing tools, and look for graves to desecrate.

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Courtesy of Nico Claux">

Nico Claux poses outside one of the Mausoleums he robbed. France has many such places in cemeteries all over, and can be very elaborate. Claux would break into tombs and take pieces of bodies back to his apartment.

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Courtesy of Nico Claux)">

Inside the morgue at St. Joseph's. Claux worked as a morgue attendant, and was left alone with bodies to perform his job, such as sewing up incisions done during autopsy. Claux would sometimes remove pieces and eat them, or take them home for later.

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Courtesy of Nico Claux">

Nico Claux poses in catacombs, holding a skull. As a grave robber, Claux would take items from corpses and bring them back home. There, he would display the items in hanging morbid mobiles or shelves.

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Courtesy of Nico Claux">

Gilbert Thiel was the lead investigator on the case. He believed that one person was responsible for a string of murders in the area over the month of October, 1994.

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Courtesy of Nico Claux">

The Courts at Palais, France, where Claux would be sentenced to 12 years in prison. The jury took just three hours to reach the verdict, and Claux was taken away to serve his time.

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Courtesy of Nico Claux">

Part of the evidence used at Claux's trial were his dental records. Bite marks can link a suspect directly to a victim.

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Courtesy of Nico Claux">

Judge W. Waechter presided in the Claux trial. He was also responsible for picking the jury. After a plea of not guilty by reason of insanity, the court was shown photographs of the crime scene and Nico's apartment.

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Courtesy of Nico Claux">

Maison Centrale Poissy Prison exercise yard, where Claux posed for this picture. Poissy is one of six maximum security prisons in France, which house the most serious of criminals.

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Courtesy of Nico Claux">

While in prison, Claux tried his hand at painting to pass the time. He poses here with a picture he painted while in his cell.

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Courtesy of Nico Claux">

Nico Claux, after his release from prison. He wears his hair in similar fashion to the actor who plays Vlad in the movie "Bram Stoker's Dracula."